I went home this week and rediscovered a few CDs that I had listened to back in high school yet never copied to my computer. Two songs in particular stood out:
Sure Shot (Supertones)
I wanna do the right thing.
I wanna be the sure shot.
I wanna have my mind straight.
I wanna have my point got.
I wanna be a good man,
I wanna have my act down.
I wanna be the future
and I wanna be right now.
Sometimes I feel
like I can change the world.
But I don't know where to start.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
I wanna see a life change.
I wanna see a new man.
I wanna fight the good fight.
I wanna take the right stand.
I wanna be like Jesus.
I wanna pour my heart out.
I wanna pick my cross up.
I wanna hear the mob shout.
I'm wide awake
and thinking about the cross,
the Trinity apart.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching an empty heart.
I wanna do the right thing.
I wanna be the sure shot.
I wanna have my mind straight.
I wanna have my point got.
I wanna be like Jesus.
I wanna pour my heart out.
I wanna pick my cross up.
I wanna hear the mob shout.
Sometimes I feel
like I can change the world.
But I don't know where to start.
I dig and come up empty,
I'm wide awake
and thinking about the cross,
the Trinity apart.
I dig and come up empty,
clutching a sacred heart.
When Christ comes and changes a man, it doesn't mean that he will suddenly become unsuccessful, aimless, and unassertive. However, it does mean that he will want his see his life change, fight the good fight, take the stand on the right side, be like Jesus, pour his heart out, pick up his cross, and be prepared to hear the mob shout against him. The Supertones beautifully merged these two aspects of men together. Here is a picture of a man who takes initiative for his own future, a desire to change the world, and a passion for his life to be transformed by Christ. His heart is empty because it is sacred, it is poured out not for his own interests but for the interests of others.
Always and Forever (Raze)
The stars will shine
The moon will glow
The sun will rise
The grass will grow
Some things will never change
Just like me and you
Mountains high and valleys low
I have got to let you know
That I am here for you
Whatever you go through
Troubles come and get you down
I'll always be around to say
CHORUS:
I will be here always and forever
I'll be here for you
we will be friends(strong)
forever and ever
As far back as I can remember
Thirty-one days in the month of December
Life will still go on
But it's just not the same
Miles and miles and miles are between us
Like Earth to Mars and then on to Venus
Although you have gone away
I still see your face
And these memories linger on inside our
hearts always!
I will be here always and forever
I'll be here for you
we will be friends(strong)
forever and ever
When I ripped this song onto my computer the song title came up was "Always and Forever(Bff)." We live in a transient society and culture. Life changes in what seems the blink of an eye. Each of us yearns for something permanent, something lasting. This I believe is one aspect of a God-shaped hole in our lives. Eternal beings in a temporal world will inherently yearn for something eternal. Thus, our dissatisfaction with worldly things and a constant chasing after something more, something better.
Can friends last forever? I know a lot of people and I can go many places on the east coast (and even the US) to see people who are my "friends." But are they really friends? I spent time with them in the past, and I "did life" with them previously. I know an incredible amount of people within a 50 mile radius, but I can't say that I am truly friends with any more than a handful of them.
Why? Because I don't share life with them. They aren't the ones I confide with, share my troubles with, or those who are there for me in the hardest of times.
Why? Because they're not around anymore.
Maybe it's because I'm in a profession that endlessly demand time from me and I choose to pour myself into it and related activities. I wonder if I can actually be friends with someone forever. In 3 years I might be somewhere else on the planet. May I make the most of the opportunities I have now to invest and be invested in by those around me so that I may not live in the past but rather in the present with eyes that are focused on the future.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Plans...
"And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes and be killed, and after three days rise again. And he said this plainly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man. And he called to him the crowd with his disciples and said to them, If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? For what can a man give in return for his life? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."
Mark 8:31-38
The disciples maintained an ingrained mindset that the kingdom of God was a material, physical kingdom and the Messiah would come, rescue them from the heavy hand of the Romans, and reestablish the kingdom of Israel. So when Jesus, the very Son of God, declared that he would be rejected and killed it was too much for Peter to handle. I mean, how could their very Messiah be rejected by the chief leaders of the Jews? Killed?
I often relate to Peter. I have a vision of what God's kingdom is and what it looks like.
But is it God's vision?
Am I ready to be rebuked by Jesus when my thoughts are not His?
Am I willing to sacrifice my ideas of where God is taking me to God's eternal, sovereign, and loving plan?
Are my "kingdom" plans the plans of man and not of God?
Am I ready to see my plans rejected, cursed, spit upon, beaten, and nailed to a cross so that countless millions would enter the kingdom of God?
I hasten towards an hour
when earthly pursuits and possessions
will appear vain,
when it will be indifferent whether I have been
rich or poor,
successful or disappointed,
admired or despised.
But it will be of eternal moment that I have
mourned for sin,
hungered and thirsted after righteousness,
loved the Lord Jesus in sincerity,
gloried in his cross.
~Valley of Vision (Openness)
Mark 8:31-38
The disciples maintained an ingrained mindset that the kingdom of God was a material, physical kingdom and the Messiah would come, rescue them from the heavy hand of the Romans, and reestablish the kingdom of Israel. So when Jesus, the very Son of God, declared that he would be rejected and killed it was too much for Peter to handle. I mean, how could their very Messiah be rejected by the chief leaders of the Jews? Killed?
I often relate to Peter. I have a vision of what God's kingdom is and what it looks like.
But is it God's vision?
Am I ready to be rebuked by Jesus when my thoughts are not His?
Am I willing to sacrifice my ideas of where God is taking me to God's eternal, sovereign, and loving plan?
Are my "kingdom" plans the plans of man and not of God?
Am I ready to see my plans rejected, cursed, spit upon, beaten, and nailed to a cross so that countless millions would enter the kingdom of God?
I hasten towards an hour
when earthly pursuits and possessions
will appear vain,
when it will be indifferent whether I have been
rich or poor,
successful or disappointed,
admired or despised.
But it will be of eternal moment that I have
mourned for sin,
hungered and thirsted after righteousness,
loved the Lord Jesus in sincerity,
gloried in his cross.
~Valley of Vision (Openness)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
No Reserve, No Retreat, No Regrets
In 1904 William Borden graduated from a Chicago high school. As heir to the Borden Dairy estate, he was already a millionaire. For his high school graduation present, his parents gave 16-year-old Borden a trip around the world. As the young man traveled through Asia, the Middle East, and Europe, he felt a growing burden for the world's hurting people. Finally, Bill Borden wrote home about his "desire to be a missionary."1
One friend expressed surprise that he was "throwing himself away as a missionary."
In response, Bill wrote two words in the back of his Bible: "No reserves."
Even though young Borden was wealthy, he arrived on the campus of Yale University in 1905 trying to look like just one more freshman. Very quickly, however, Borden's classmates noticed something unusual about him and it wasn't his money. One of them wrote: "He came to college far ahead, spiritually, of any of us. He had already given his heart in full surrender to Christ and had really done it. We who were his classmates learned to lean on him and find in him a strength that was solid as a rock, just because of this settled purpose and consecration."2
During his college years, Bill Borden made one entry in his personal journal that defined what his classmates were seeing in him. That entry said simply: "Say 'no' to self and 'yes' to Jesus every time."3
Borden's first disappointment at Yale came when the university president spoke on the students' need of "having a fixed purpose." After hearing that speech, Borden wrote: "He neglected to say what our purpose should be, and where we should get the ability to persevere and the strength to resist temptations."4 Surveying the Yale faculty and much of the student body, Borden lamented what he saw as the end result of this empty philosophy: moral weakness and sin-ruined lives.
During his first semester at Yale, Borden started something that would transform campus life. One of his friends described how it happened: "It was well on in the first term when Bill and I began to pray together in the morning before breakfast. I cannot say positively whose suggestion it was, but I feel sure it must have originated with Bill. We had been meeting only a short time when a third student joined us and soon after a fourth. The time was spent in prayer after a brief reading of Scripture. Bill's handling of Scripture was helpful. . . . He would read to us from the Bible, show us something that God had promised and then proceed to claim the promise with assurance."5
Borden's small morning prayer group gave birth to a movement that spread across the campus. By the end of his first year, 150 freshman were meeting for weekly Bible study and prayer. By the time Bill Borden was a senior, one thousand of Yale's 1,300 students were meeting in such groups.
Borden made it his habit to seek out the most "incorrigible" students and try to bring them to salvation. "In his sophomore year we organized Bible study groups and divided up the class of 300 or more, each man interested taking a certain number, so that all might, if possible, be reached. The names were gone over one by one, and the question asked, 'Who will take this person?' When it came to someone thought to be a hard proposition, there would be an ominous pause. Nobody wanted the responsibility. Then Bill's voice would be heard, 'Put him down to me.'"6
Borden's outreach ministry was not confined to the Yale campus. He cared about widows and orphans and cripples. He rescued drunks from the streets of New Haven. To rehabilitate them, he founded the Yale Hope Mission. One of his friends wrote that he "might often be found in the lower parts of the city at night, on the street, in a cheap lodging house or some restaurant to which he had taken a poor hungry fellow to feed him, seeking to lead men to Christ."7
Borden's missionary call narrowed to the Muslim Kansu people in China. Once that goal was in sight, Borden never wavered. He also inspired his classmates to consider missionary service. One of them said: "He certainly was one of the strongest characters I have ever known, and he put backbone into the rest of us at college. There was real iron in him, and I always felt he was of the stuff martyrs were made of, and heroic missionaries of more modern times."8
Although he was a millionaire, Bill seemed to "realize always that he must be about his Father's business, and not wasting time in the pursuit of amusement."9 Although Borden refused to join a fraternity, "he did more with his classmates in his senior year than ever before." He presided over the huge student missionary conference held at Yale and served as president of the honor society Phi Beta Kappa.
Upon graduation from Yale, Borden turned down some high paying job offers. In his Bible, he wrote two more words: "No retreats."
William Borden went on to graduate work at Princeton Seminary in New Jersey. When he finished his studies at Princeton, he sailed for China. Because he was hoping to work with Muslims, he stopped first in Egypt to study Arabic. While there, he contracted spinal meningitis. Within a month, 25-year-old William Borden was dead.
When news of William Whiting Borden's death was cabled back to the U.S., the story was carried by nearly every American newspaper. "A wave of sorrow went round the world . . . Borden not only gave (away) his wealth, but himself, in a way so joyous and natural that it (seemed) a privilege rather than a sacrifice" wrote Mary Taylor in her introduction to his biography.10
Was Borden's untimely death a waste? Not in God's plan. Prior to his death, Borden had written two more words in his Bible. Underneath the words "No reserves" and "No retreats," he had written: "No regrets."
1Taylor, Mrs. Howard. Borden of Yale '09. Philadelphia: China Inland Mission, 1926, page 75.
2Ibid., page 98.
3Ibid., page 122.
4Ibid., page 90.
5Ibid., page 97.
6Ibid., page 150.
7Ibid., page 148.
8Ibid., page 149.
9Ibid., page 149.
10Ibid., page ix.
For more original content like this, visit: http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert
One friend expressed surprise that he was "throwing himself away as a missionary."
In response, Bill wrote two words in the back of his Bible: "No reserves."
Even though young Borden was wealthy, he arrived on the campus of Yale University in 1905 trying to look like just one more freshman. Very quickly, however, Borden's classmates noticed something unusual about him and it wasn't his money. One of them wrote: "He came to college far ahead, spiritually, of any of us. He had already given his heart in full surrender to Christ and had really done it. We who were his classmates learned to lean on him and find in him a strength that was solid as a rock, just because of this settled purpose and consecration."2
During his college years, Bill Borden made one entry in his personal journal that defined what his classmates were seeing in him. That entry said simply: "Say 'no' to self and 'yes' to Jesus every time."3
Borden's first disappointment at Yale came when the university president spoke on the students' need of "having a fixed purpose." After hearing that speech, Borden wrote: "He neglected to say what our purpose should be, and where we should get the ability to persevere and the strength to resist temptations."4 Surveying the Yale faculty and much of the student body, Borden lamented what he saw as the end result of this empty philosophy: moral weakness and sin-ruined lives.
During his first semester at Yale, Borden started something that would transform campus life. One of his friends described how it happened: "It was well on in the first term when Bill and I began to pray together in the morning before breakfast. I cannot say positively whose suggestion it was, but I feel sure it must have originated with Bill. We had been meeting only a short time when a third student joined us and soon after a fourth. The time was spent in prayer after a brief reading of Scripture. Bill's handling of Scripture was helpful. . . . He would read to us from the Bible, show us something that God had promised and then proceed to claim the promise with assurance."5
Borden's small morning prayer group gave birth to a movement that spread across the campus. By the end of his first year, 150 freshman were meeting for weekly Bible study and prayer. By the time Bill Borden was a senior, one thousand of Yale's 1,300 students were meeting in such groups.
Borden made it his habit to seek out the most "incorrigible" students and try to bring them to salvation. "In his sophomore year we organized Bible study groups and divided up the class of 300 or more, each man interested taking a certain number, so that all might, if possible, be reached. The names were gone over one by one, and the question asked, 'Who will take this person?' When it came to someone thought to be a hard proposition, there would be an ominous pause. Nobody wanted the responsibility. Then Bill's voice would be heard, 'Put him down to me.'"6
Borden's outreach ministry was not confined to the Yale campus. He cared about widows and orphans and cripples. He rescued drunks from the streets of New Haven. To rehabilitate them, he founded the Yale Hope Mission. One of his friends wrote that he "might often be found in the lower parts of the city at night, on the street, in a cheap lodging house or some restaurant to which he had taken a poor hungry fellow to feed him, seeking to lead men to Christ."7
Borden's missionary call narrowed to the Muslim Kansu people in China. Once that goal was in sight, Borden never wavered. He also inspired his classmates to consider missionary service. One of them said: "He certainly was one of the strongest characters I have ever known, and he put backbone into the rest of us at college. There was real iron in him, and I always felt he was of the stuff martyrs were made of, and heroic missionaries of more modern times."8
Although he was a millionaire, Bill seemed to "realize always that he must be about his Father's business, and not wasting time in the pursuit of amusement."9 Although Borden refused to join a fraternity, "he did more with his classmates in his senior year than ever before." He presided over the huge student missionary conference held at Yale and served as president of the honor society Phi Beta Kappa.
Upon graduation from Yale, Borden turned down some high paying job offers. In his Bible, he wrote two more words: "No retreats."
William Borden went on to graduate work at Princeton Seminary in New Jersey. When he finished his studies at Princeton, he sailed for China. Because he was hoping to work with Muslims, he stopped first in Egypt to study Arabic. While there, he contracted spinal meningitis. Within a month, 25-year-old William Borden was dead.
When news of William Whiting Borden's death was cabled back to the U.S., the story was carried by nearly every American newspaper. "A wave of sorrow went round the world . . . Borden not only gave (away) his wealth, but himself, in a way so joyous and natural that it (seemed) a privilege rather than a sacrifice" wrote Mary Taylor in her introduction to his biography.10
Was Borden's untimely death a waste? Not in God's plan. Prior to his death, Borden had written two more words in his Bible. Underneath the words "No reserves" and "No retreats," he had written: "No regrets."
1Taylor, Mrs. Howard. Borden of Yale '09. Philadelphia: China Inland Mission, 1926, page 75.
2Ibid., page 98.
3Ibid., page 122.
4Ibid., page 90.
5Ibid., page 97.
6Ibid., page 150.
7Ibid., page 148.
8Ibid., page 149.
9Ibid., page 149.
10Ibid., page ix.
For more original content like this, visit: http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The day I saw true love
I remember one of the last shifts I worked in the little trauma step-down unit about 10 months ago. Patients there were still critical but did not require the intensive nursing care that the ICU demanded. Nevertheless, I’ve seen a number of patients deteriorate and die in that unit.
After my usual cruising into the department, finding a funny patient to joke around with and figuring out what needed to be done, I worked my way down to bed #9 which was a bit more private than the rest (it actually had a door). As I spoke with the nurse she explained what had happened to this young man—he had a tracheotomy so he couldn’t speak, and was recovering from major head and abdominal trauma following a serious car crash. He had been in the hospital for a few months now and was showing tremendous signs of improvement against all odds. As the nurse continue to give me the report on his condition, an incredibly attractive woman entered and entered the man’s room. The nurse said to me in hushed tones, “that’s his fiancé, she’s the reason he’s doing so well.” Intrigued by this statement, I stuck around a bit at the end of the unit. The nurse went on to describe the intensity at which she would visit: every day for the entire length of visiting hours…and sometimes the nurses would let her stay much longer because she was so helpful.
I was stocking supplies later on in the day and I saw her sitting on the side of his bed peacefully singing to him. I asked myself, “how do you do that? He can’t even talk to you—he hasn’t for months. Do you even know if he remembers you? He has a frontal lobe injury and his personality has changed, does that matter to you?”
Apparently not; for love does not consider those superficial characteristics.
What about the love shown to you by an infinite God?
Was it based on how you would react to God’s love?
Was it based on your choice of words?
Was it based on the emotion that you welled up inside yourself when you came to Him asking for forgiveness?
Was God thinking “oh, he must be truly sorry so I’ll love him!”?
No, it can’t be any of these, for it would debase God’s love to a level lower than this fiancé’s love for my patient. God’s love is so much higher and wiser than even the best expressions of love that we can construe. He loves us while we were “dead in our trespasses and sins”—he loves us when we can do nothing.
We think we know what love is all about, but we see it most clearly and for what it truly means when crisis arises.
It’s not some erotomania, it’s a God who comes to us as a human, He shows us the holes in his hands and feet and calls us to place our hands in his side. It’s not “I love you so I’ll give you a great feeling to live your life by.” Instead, He says, “Greater love has no man than this than that he lays down his life for his friends.” And He goes and submits an infinitely worthy life to the cross so that sinners like you and me can become the children of God. Our God is not all talk; he goes and does as much as it takes to know and love His own.
We love because he first loved us.
True Love Phil Wickham
Come close listen to the story
about a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
tears were filling heavens eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died
Search your hearts you know you can’t deny it
Lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us
Jesus is alive
He rose again
After my usual cruising into the department, finding a funny patient to joke around with and figuring out what needed to be done, I worked my way down to bed #9 which was a bit more private than the rest (it actually had a door). As I spoke with the nurse she explained what had happened to this young man—he had a tracheotomy so he couldn’t speak, and was recovering from major head and abdominal trauma following a serious car crash. He had been in the hospital for a few months now and was showing tremendous signs of improvement against all odds. As the nurse continue to give me the report on his condition, an incredibly attractive woman entered and entered the man’s room. The nurse said to me in hushed tones, “that’s his fiancé, she’s the reason he’s doing so well.” Intrigued by this statement, I stuck around a bit at the end of the unit. The nurse went on to describe the intensity at which she would visit: every day for the entire length of visiting hours…and sometimes the nurses would let her stay much longer because she was so helpful.
I was stocking supplies later on in the day and I saw her sitting on the side of his bed peacefully singing to him. I asked myself, “how do you do that? He can’t even talk to you—he hasn’t for months. Do you even know if he remembers you? He has a frontal lobe injury and his personality has changed, does that matter to you?”
Apparently not; for love does not consider those superficial characteristics.
What about the love shown to you by an infinite God?
Was it based on how you would react to God’s love?
Was it based on your choice of words?
Was it based on the emotion that you welled up inside yourself when you came to Him asking for forgiveness?
Was God thinking “oh, he must be truly sorry so I’ll love him!”?
No, it can’t be any of these, for it would debase God’s love to a level lower than this fiancé’s love for my patient. God’s love is so much higher and wiser than even the best expressions of love that we can construe. He loves us while we were “dead in our trespasses and sins”—he loves us when we can do nothing.
We think we know what love is all about, but we see it most clearly and for what it truly means when crisis arises.
It’s not some erotomania, it’s a God who comes to us as a human, He shows us the holes in his hands and feet and calls us to place our hands in his side. It’s not “I love you so I’ll give you a great feeling to live your life by.” Instead, He says, “Greater love has no man than this than that he lays down his life for his friends.” And He goes and submits an infinitely worthy life to the cross so that sinners like you and me can become the children of God. Our God is not all talk; he goes and does as much as it takes to know and love His own.
We love because he first loved us.
True Love Phil Wickham
Come close listen to the story
about a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
tears were filling heavens eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died
Search your hearts you know you can’t deny it
Lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us
Jesus is alive
He rose again
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
A letter to myself
Dear Jeremy,
It has probably been 5 or 6 years since you wrote this. You're probably in the middle of a rough internship. You haven't had a chance to update this blog for quite some time. Your closest friends are your fellow interns you round with every morning. Who knows when the last time you had the opportunity to go to church and when you did you fell asleep in the middle of it from exhaustion. You're probably asking yourself "why did I ever choose this profession?" or saying "I never expected it to be this way."
I want to remind you of some things you said to yourself the night Springfest 2008 was canceled. You said you had to go to bed, but then the wheels of inspiration started. So I want to ask yourself some questions. Remember back in the day when you were that immature 1st year medical student? What has changed?
Do you still wake up in the morning and ask yourself "If today were the last day of my life would I do what I'm about to do today?" How many times has the answer been "yes"? What do you need to change to make it "yes"?
Do you still challenge yourself? "Hey, listen up! This is what matters most: You're forgiven! You have hope! Your hope is based on the sacrifice of Jesus. So let's not view this day any other way. Let today be governed by this one defining truth."
Does this truth govern you when your senior resident is yelling at you? Does it still govern you when you can't answer that question your attending asked you on rounds?
What did God tell you in His word today? What does that look like today? When your pager goes off as you're just about to fall asleep does His word still govern your response?
Have you gotten beyond the cross? When was the last time you stood next to it, clung to it, promised you would never let it leave your side? You've been here so many times before, you've stayed here for months and years at a time. Jeremy, are you still at the top of Calvary with your eyes fixed on the cross? If not, please come back.
Remember New Years 2008? Remember when you took a walk through the crowds by yourself, made some decisions and sealed them in the heart of God? You wanted to encourage others more. Remember how it was so hard for the first few weeks and months after that decision? Is it still hard? Are you still trying? Who did you encourage today?
Who did you pray with today? Patients? Remember when you prayed with Bob that lonely Monday evening in the hospital? You had no idea what to say but God gave the words. Do you love your patients with ways more than medicine? Or are you too concerned with your own pursuits and getting enough sleep to show the love God so graciously showed to such a corrupted person as you?
I want to remind you of some reasons you chose to do this for the rest of your life. You knew that a 9-5 job sitting in front of a computer would make you self-centered, materialistic, half-hearted 'Christian.'
You knew that for you life to count, you would have to try to do something difficult and challenging because using your mind to the best of its abilities would glorify the God who meticulously arranges the nervous system.
You knew from experience that the times you were closest to the cross were when you felt the weight of so many hearts and lives on your shoulders.
You knew that, "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies it bears much fruit." - Jesus. Remember, martyrs are not made, they are revealed.
As I close maybe you're dealing with a situation that is totally out of your control. You wanted to take charge but you failed again and again or you weren't allowed. Maybe your patient keeps spiraling downward even though you're throwing everything at him? Maybe those family members don't like you? You're disappointed. But God is in control.
Sometimes you have to keep trying. Keep throwing everything you have at your patient and pray.
Sometimes you have to let go. Yes, when your patient dies on the OR table, in the trauma room, in the ICU, or in their comfortable bed at home it's over...they're never coming back in this life. It's a good thing to remember and learn from, but it's over, there's nothing else you can do.
Other times when you have no idea what to do, you cling to that cross even harder. He is there, even in the midst of uncertainty. He made the world, he holds every atom in the place he ordains, he can place the universe easily into the palm of His hand. And he still loves you. Yes Jeremy, the creator of the universe in whose eyes you're are smaller than a speck of dusk, loves you.
Jeremy whatever you do never never stop showing love. You have an infinite source of it from your Savior. Give it all away, don't hold back some for yourself, it's not yours to hold on to. I hope Jesus has grown your heart significantly in the past few years. Don't be afraid to clip off pieces of it and give them away. There's plenty more of God's heart at the cross for you. He gave His heart freely so follow His example.
There are so many things I want to see in your life, but most of all I want to see that you've grown in your love for God. The tangible way you can measure that is by seeing how you love others. Go do it.
It's getting late and you probably need to get some sleep also. May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace...the perfect peace of a life hidden in Christ.
By Grace,
Jeremy
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Silence
It has happened to me more times than is worth remembering. A sea of people clad in blue and green and white surrounding a stretcher. Often some shouting and running around the room is involved. There are all these machines up at the head of the stretcher. They're flashing red and yellow and making all kinds of strange loud noises. There's someone who looks like they're jumping up and down on top of the person on the stretcher--sometimes I'm that person. Everyone and everything is making noise--it's so loud. A machine gets wheeled into the room, the jumping stops and a black and white image appears on the machine. Someone says "I see no movement." There's agreement among the sea of people. Sometimes the jumping starts again for a while before it stops and they look at the screen again. "No movement." "Ok, any objections?" "What's the time?"Someone just died.
Suddenly the squawking ventilators and monitors are turned off. The hissing of the suction and the oxygen cease. The crowd of doctors, nurses, and technicians leave the room quietly.
And I'm left with another nurse, a white shroud, a closed door, and....silence.
But there is always one particular verse that has come to mind during those times. Those times when I just want to do my job, wrap up the deceased, clean up the room, and move on to the next patient.
It's the same verse that came to Sydney Carton as he walked about the streets of Paris the night before he was to take Charles Darnay's place under the guillotine.
It's the same verse that came to me as I was moved to speak the gospel to an old and dying man not long ago.
I am thankful that I don't just hear this verse at funerals or when I get to the chapter in my Bible reading. When all the sights and sounds fade away and all I'm left with is a dead body, a shroud, and someone to help, I'm often at a loss for words to say. It seems that my theology goes down the drain while I ask "why?" It's in the silence when the mind is grappling with reality that Jesus speaks the last word.
Jesus said..."I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"
What is He saying to you in the silence?
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